Writing is a part of my way fighting with all the bad, all the wrong, all my fairs and my doubts. It's like a promise to myself. For example, if you want to do something and you tell it to someone you feel more responsible for doing it because that someone will ask: so? and what will be your answer, did you do or did you not? When you write something it's stated, it becomes more real and tangible than just a thought flying in your mind.
I chose a topic that challenges me. I am not only driven by good feelings. Actually, opposite.
1. The worst feeling is to understand that someone you love with all your heart rejects you. You ask yourself why, how, are you wrong and bad...
I will never understand how a woman can leave her kid. She caries a miracle in her body for nine moths and then refuses to raise it. I will never understand how a man can leave his child as well. It creates a big complex of being unloved and not appreciated for so long.
I will never understand how someone can pretend to be a true friend when he/she is actually searching for something to gain. Friendship is about support, feed-backs and good-will for each other in any case. We still meet after months and years spent separately and in different directions. We trust, we disappoint, we conflict, we come back saying sorry and we are forgiven, we learn from our mistakes and we don't repeat them because we care not to hurt other's feelings and we enjoy to have fun, to understand jokes, to waste time for friendship that is not really wasting time but having priceless holidays.
I will never understand a marriage based on everything but love. You do not love so you leave saying 'sorry, I do not love you, I want true love in my life and it is not you, you deserve someone who loves you back.' It should be done as soon as realized. How long do you need to be brave and to understand that you do not love him or her? Waking up near a person that is a stranger to you because you do not feel him/her and you don't know anything about his/her deepest dreams, that person doesn't shine in the morning because of your 'love' and you still acting a joke called marriage - that is a tragedy of life.
2. Letting go.
How to let go? I don't know. My dreams that I did not fulfilled are still in my heart reminding me about things I haven't done. My promises that I missed to keep are stepping on my conscience. The promises that are made for me but never kept are destroying my trust in people. The mistakes I made, the past - it goes away then it turns around and comes back. How to let go of dear people who go away and never turn around to come back? How to let go of adorable moments that you want to keep forever? How to let myself go from somewhere I belong? My answer to this question was found: 'best things always come back'. They do. What is meant to be happens one way or another.
Letting go is never real unless you give up. Yes, there are times you must give up. Give up and let go of everything that is not yours, that doesn't belong in your life. This is not the hardest feeling at all: when you let go of something you don't need you feel relieved. The hardest feeling is to let go of something you cannot survive without, same as you cannot survive without oxygen.
Letting go is never real unless you give up. Yes, there are times you must give up. Give up and let go of everything that is not yours, that doesn't belong in your life. This is not the hardest feeling at all: when you let go of something you don't need you feel relieved. The hardest feeling is to let go of something you cannot survive without, same as you cannot survive without oxygen.
3. Staying in a comfortable routine of the same and the same and the same.
There is no easy way. Everything what is comfortable is boring and gives you chill, relax but happiness. Routine is something you get used to and you never value the magic of it. You only feel good and proud when you know you tried your best, when you really deserve it. Your efforts in everyday life give you a smile. Why kids are so happy? Because they don't know what is routine. If something is boring they stop doing it or they start creating the opposite way. New and unexplored awakes a little fair of unknown, when you get through this fair you feel happy. How can you settle for something boring when the world invites you to see it? Knowing what, how and when gives us security and sometimes we need it also, but no good sailor ever was trained in a calm sea. I love comfort but if it's for too long I get lazy and after all not happy doing nothing about what I want.
There is no easy way. Everything what is comfortable is boring and gives you chill, relax but happiness. Routine is something you get used to and you never value the magic of it. You only feel good and proud when you know you tried your best, when you really deserve it. Your efforts in everyday life give you a smile. Why kids are so happy? Because they don't know what is routine. If something is boring they stop doing it or they start creating the opposite way. New and unexplored awakes a little fair of unknown, when you get through this fair you feel happy. How can you settle for something boring when the world invites you to see it? Knowing what, how and when gives us security and sometimes we need it also, but no good sailor ever was trained in a calm sea. I love comfort but if it's for too long I get lazy and after all not happy doing nothing about what I want.
4. Hope. It is the strongest.
You just hope, you wish, you never know. The power is not in you anymore and all is left is hope. For someone to recover, for success, for having a better tomorrow, for everything in what you've already lost your believes. It is the last straw in the ocean, if you lose hope you just drawn.
You just hope, you wish, you never know. The power is not in you anymore and all is left is hope. For someone to recover, for success, for having a better tomorrow, for everything in what you've already lost your believes. It is the last straw in the ocean, if you lose hope you just drawn.
5. Forgiveness. 6. Losing. 7. Jealousy. 8. Guilt. 9. Emptiness. 10. Empathy. 11. Missing. 12. Love.
The only way is trying to understand all those feelings, when do they come, why do they come, with whom, how do they impact you. All of them are tricky, playing with you and taking the lead. All of them cause the most important actions and decisions of your life. Final move is on you, will you choose to cheat with those feelings or to accept them. Avoiding them doesn't mean you get rid of them, they will come back to you anyway. Accepting them means accepting yourself and trying to figure out what is next, how will you manage, how could you improve and make yourself better, at least a little little better everyday.
The only way is trying to understand all those feelings, when do they come, why do they come, with whom, how do they impact you. All of them are tricky, playing with you and taking the lead. All of them cause the most important actions and decisions of your life. Final move is on you, will you choose to cheat with those feelings or to accept them. Avoiding them doesn't mean you get rid of them, they will come back to you anyway. Accepting them means accepting yourself and trying to figure out what is next, how will you manage, how could you improve and make yourself better, at least a little little better everyday.
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